I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
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