Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
Randomize
