No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
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