I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
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