yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
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