If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
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