Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
that girl last night was a 15
wait she was 15?
no like black jack not sure if you should hit it
what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
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