You surviving the open bar?
Super asto ex polenta omaha botad
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
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