fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
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