I don't think he has that. His apartment was pretty much a tv and a bed. Topless girl calendar and a glass of water to put out cigarettes.
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
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