He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
Randomize
