Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
Randomize