Porn is love you can see.
I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
Randomize
