just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
Randomize
