its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
Randomize
