So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
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