I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
Randomize
