At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
Randomize
