the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
Randomize
