what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
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