Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
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