i am a beautiful darrk chocolate womann
honey you're def caucasian
i am a beautiful white cholcllate woman.... Z
I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
Randomize
