so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
Tip for today: never try to fart and swallow at the same time. You'll end up choking on whatever you are currently swallowing and shit yourself from the freakout of choking.
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
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