Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
Randomize
