Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
Randomize
