Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
Randomize
