The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
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