for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
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