She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
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