she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
Randomize
