She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
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