I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
Randomize
