She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
Randomize
