do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
this kid at 40 friday greeted another kid by saying "heeey farmville neighbor"
dude.
yep. needless to say i didn't meet anyone and spent yet another friday night masturbating.
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
Randomize
