I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
Randomize