He's not gay. He just has bad gaydar and he gaydared himself and was wrong.
Ross. Joey. Chandler. Who would you do?
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
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