I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
Randomize