my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
Randomize
