she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
Randomize
