Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
found the other keg... it's in the tree
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
I woke up under a house in Key West
Randomize
