your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
Zip lining have a big frozedn drink with 151 rum chippendale pic life is GREAT
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
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