Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
Where did you get a picture of my penis
He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
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