So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
Randomize
