And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
Randomize
