A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
Randomize
