Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
West Wing DVD drinking game: drink whenever they waqlk around a lot. I LOVE POLITICS SO MUCH
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
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