last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
i need to put some appletini on your dick
I FOUND THE LEGS
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