I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
Lucas & I had a photo shoot with her cape & I had child arm floaties on most the night.. woke up in a spiderman bed
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
Randomize
