I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
Randomize