After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
How you know a guy is gay: they say they would want money, not sexual favors, from emma watson
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
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