my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
Randomize
