Help. Asians are flirting in front of me(773): They speak asian
I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
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