I have no idea what her name is. I only remember putting my dick between her ass cheeks.
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
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