Is it weird that I think of Ennis from Brokeback Mountain everytime I hear "Make em Say" by Master P? "I don't need your money. Huh." NA NA NA NAAA.
He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
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