Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
Regardless of the degree, it's probably not good to relate so closely to the Steve-O documentary.
dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
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