I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
Randomize
