actually, I'm a sock model
got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
youre talking to a girl on facebook chat right now and im sitting behind her in class lol. creepy?
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
I have a boner in one of my pics with her which no one noticed.
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
Randomize
