Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
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