She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
Randomize
