I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
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