i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
Randomize
