Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
She swung at the pinata with crutches
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
Randomize
