I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
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