She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
Lol, perhaps. But the drinks are so cheap, the music is better, and the bartenders and bouncers all know my name. I can't abandon it, even if it is a gay bar, its still my Nirvana.
Randomize
