forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
Randomize
