I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
Randomize
