some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
Randomize
